i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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