Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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