I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
