Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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