just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
