Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
