Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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