I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
