i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
