You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
