Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He? As in you personified your dick?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
