Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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