just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
