you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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