...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
