In America we eat man semen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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