Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
