...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
