Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
