What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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