I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
