I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
