Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
