i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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