I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
