Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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