It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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