I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
