you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
