I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
