1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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