You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
