the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
