Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
