im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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