I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
