i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
