We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
