WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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