what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
