hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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