Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why didn't you poke me back
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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