I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
