when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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