Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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