i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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