your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
