hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
