Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize