): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
